How To Speak A Love Language Anyone Can Understand

The need to give and receive love is universal, but we don't always know where to begin. Learn how to speak a love language anyone can understand.

In a world that is full of accusation, criticism, judgement, and suspicion, it is difficult to think in terms of being loving towards others. In times of stress, we tend to go into self preservation mode, and the last thing we feel like doing is forging connections and building relationships. The very last thing that seems to be on many people's mind is love for one another.

I read a lovely book this last year, titled "The Other Half Of Church". The basic premise of the book is that somewhere along the way, over the centuries, the church has become more concerned about being right than being loving. This resonated with me deeply.

Please hear me when I say I firmly believe there is right and wrong, and that morality is not something that is relative. Also hear me when I say I firmly believe that none of us measures up. It's interesting; we go through our lives, doing our best, as we all do, and we carry with us a metaphorical measuring stick, where we measure everything and everyone against whatever we have decided our standard to be. As we continue to do this, our measuring stick gets longer and longer, making it more difficult for anyone to 'measure up' to our impossibly high standards. All this is fine and good until the day comes when we ourselves cannot measure up. At this point, we try to whack a bit off the end of our stick to make it shorter, but this does not work. And here is where the love of Christ comes in.

1 John 4:10 says, "Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins."

A sin is simply where we have missed the mark, fallen short, not measured up. The only problem is that, of course, if you miss the mark and break a law, there are consequences for that miss. To avoid the consequences, a pardon must be extended and accepted. This is what Jesus died for.

So we understand that the greatest love someone can have for another person is to lay down their life for their friends, (John 15:13). This is the love Jesus had for us. And I am so grateful! Honestly, I'm not exactly ready to die for my friends, although I do love them. But this verse says this is the greatest love. If you're like me, you're thinking, "Can we start smaller than that?".

Yes. Yes we can.

Everyone knows the golden rule: Do to others what you would have them do to you. This is found in the bible in Matthew 7:12, and is reiterated differently in other passages such as Galatians 5:14, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Great! What does that actually look like? Here's a few thoughts that came to mind:

It looks like assuming the best about others.1 Pet. 4:8
It looks like respecting others, even and especially if they are different from us. Deut.10:19
It looks like being teachable; not assuming we know all the answers. Eph.4:2
It looks like being willing to help and speak well of others, even when it is inconvenient or difficult. Gal. 5:13-14

I could go on, but as I type this, I'm beginning to see a picture emerge. All I have to do is turn on the news and I see exactly none of this modeled. So rather than exemplify the obvious, let's look at what a universal love language actually consists of.

It consists of valuing every human being for who they are, regardless of what they have or have not accomplished.

Love means speaking from a place of genuine concern and care for others in our interactions; investing in relationships for what we can give, not what we can get.

Love means speaking encouraging words to others, not constant criticism. Eph. 4:29. Not one of us is perfect, and we are all doing the best we can. If we don't want to have others point out our shortcomings at the expense of our triumphs, then we shouldn't do it to them. This goes back to The Other Half Of Church, the book I mentioned earlier. Jesus is not concerned with us 'getting it right' so much as he is concerned with us 'getting it right-er'. We are all in process, and God is patient and kind. Rom. 2:4. We need to be patient and kind with those around us in their process also.

Love means speaking good things; positive things. Phil. 4:8

Love means not holding a grudge. Leviticus 19:18

Love means not being irritable with others, among other things. Here is a fairly comprehensive list of a few of those things: 1 Cor. 13:4-7.

As I go through this list, I admit my ruler has been too long in the past. I have been more concerned with being right than loving, and why was that? Because I didn't understand that God himself was loving. When we feel we are constantly in trouble, we tend to be critical of others. Matt. 7:1-5, James 4:11.

We tend also to be critical of ourselves. When we begin to comprehend the love that God has for us, then we are able to relax and extend that love to others. Eph. 3:14-18.

We can celebrate those around us. We can encourage them, cheer them on, value them, and be interested in who they are and what they are here on this earth to do.

This is the universal love language; the language of belonging, of encouragement, of affirmation.

In this current climate of divisiveness, tension, and strife, I believe we need to learn to love well more than ever. Take a moment to examine the relationships in your life, whether they be family, friends, workplace colleagues, or other relational touch points you have.

How could you serve those people by being a blessing in their lives?

How could you encourage them?

How could you strengthen those relationships?

The easiest way to begin is with kind words that are sincerely spoken. Prov. 15:1; A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

Prov. 18:21; Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

Our words have power, so use them wisely, considerately, and with love.

Categories: : Equipping, Fruit of the Spirit, Mindset